Yesterday we were at swim class (which is going much much better) and one of the other moms asked me how old Ev was. I paused a minute before saying "21 months." Evan is 21 months old. Holy crap. I can't believe he's almost two. I can't believe Aidan is almost 3, and I can't believe Colton is almost 1. Again, holy crap.
Therapy is going better too. By better I mean not that Evan is making any great progress, but that he is tolerating his therapists and doing his best to play with them and not throw fits. We increase our visits next month, so I'm glad he's decided to go along with all this.
So here's a question for all of you loyal readers out there. As some of you may already know, Mike and I have been playing around with the idea of having another child. Well, actually, I have mostly and Mike just humors me. We have discussed this topic to death between the two of us, and I thought I'd get some more input while we mull it over.
Back in the days before Evan, we had said that we wanted a minimum of two children. I was actually hoping for three, but Mike was not crazy about that so we just kind of decided to talk about that bit later. Then the magnificent drama that was Evan's birth occured, and we were forced to rethink our plans. Having a preemie and having me so sick really scared the crap out of us and we began saying "One and done!" to anyone who would listen.
Time has passed, and though Evan is still quite a handful, I've started to think that now is a good time to make this decision. If we do have another child, I don't want he and Ev to be too far apart. I want Evan to have a brother or sister to play with, and I want them to grow up to be good friends (yes, I realize the friends part doesn't happen until later--as much as we fought growing up I love my three brothers and wouldn't trade them for anything).
But at the same time, being an only child wouldn't be the end of the world for Evan. If we decide against more children, will I regret it when I'm older? Do I really want to go through all that sickness and fear and worry again? I know that we're not guaranteed another preemie if we do this again, but the possibility is large enough that it has me pretty freaked out. Do I want to risk my health and my potential child's health? It's a lot to consider.
So Mike and I decided to wait until after my doctor's appointment next week to make the decision. I hope to discuss my options with her, get her take on the situation, and see if there are any steps we could take to insure a better outcome the next time. In the meantime, I'd like to hear what you all have to say. Do you think Evan needs a brother or sister? Do you think we shouldn't take the risk? Do you really want to hear my complaints through another pregnancy? Please comment below.
Posted by jenny at October 23, 2003 05:01 PMMy vote would be that you have another, but, I do not have a history to back it up on other than I am one of six siblings. I know health issues are a major consideration especially with Even being a preemie, and maybe I am just greedy to enjoy the company and spoiling of another niece or nephew, but I still would like to see another. Hey, look at it this way, you have most of the worst stuff about rearing a new child down pat now and it is not all new as it had once been. You are a little wiser, not older, lol, and you know most of what to expect. Again, it is a good thing to wait for a final decision until after you have discussions with Dr, as well as your spouse about the whole subject, But I feel the "Family" will be with you and support you and your family in any decision that you make.
Posted by: Uncle Jim at October 23, 2003 06:46 PMgrrr I hate agreeing with my brother on ANYthing! But my spin is a little different, but with the same outcome.
Since my only experience with pregnancy and birth and child rearing has been being a voyeur into your lives, I can't offer an opinion on the largest part of your worries, having never done any of it myself.
All I can tell you, I too feel so blessed to have the five siblings that I have. We may be a motley crew who put the "fun" in dys"fun"ctional, but I know as sure as I know the sun will rise tomorrow and the tides will come and go...I know I have their support when I need it most, I know I always have a friend to talk to, I know I have their love even when I don't deserve it. That's the best part of siblings!!
This is the life I know, so I can only offer an opinion from my perspective. But know....no matter what y'all decide....I still love ya!
Posted by: ree at October 23, 2003 07:15 PMMy thoughts- The first few months are HELL!!!!
But they do become partners in crime and although hectic, it really is a lot of fun.I say go for it and get as a lot of sleep now cause you'll need it.God Speed
obviously, wait for the doctor's ok, but since we don't know what she'll say yet, this opinion is based on non-medical issues...
as much as i disliked my brother growing up, it's through HIM that i learned sharing and all those important things about how to deal with my frustrations. who else but a sibling can tick you off that much and you just have to suck it up and deal with it somehow. and just as important, when they grow older, who else is going to roll their eyes and make fun of their parents together?! who's going to stick up for the other one at school? who's going to body slam his sister onto the couch and put her into the figure four leglock?? (ok, i'm getting personal.) sometimes i think i learned to deal with people more through my brother than through friends (at least when i was little).
so i'm for yes on having more kids if it's cleared by the doctor. whether it's worth going through that again is totally up to you. of course, we'd love to hear you complain more, that's what we're here for!
Posted by: diane at October 24, 2003 01:59 AMi guess grandma is going to get a trailer hitch for her birthday present!!!!! we wish you guys the best in whatever you choose! love, papa
Posted by: papa at October 24, 2003 08:24 AMI'm sure your doctor will be able to answer a lot of your questions and hopefully put your mind at ease a bit. My birth experience was not near as intense as yours, but I too am nervous to have another - I can imagine how you feel. Knowing your history though, the doctors will monitor you much more closely.
On a personal note, I was an only child and hated it. In fact, I vowed to never have just one child and to impress this opinion on all my friends. I feel like I missed out on all the sibling rivalry and fun. Now that I am grown up, however, being an only child isn't too bad at all.
You two are great parents and Evan will be happy no matter what you decide! Even if you decide to wait a while, they will still have fun together. Of course, the sooner you do, the sooner you can look forward to getting some sleep again someday!
Posted by: Lisa at October 24, 2003 11:38 AMSure, go for it. Speaking from experience, the second child is always the best. Or the better, depending on the total amount of the children.
Posted by: Jerry at October 24, 2003 01:55 PMI wasn't here for the pregnancy and birth of Evan, so I don't know what to tell you regarding the hardships you endured. I can tell you that though my first pregnancy was a breeze I had a traumatizing birth experience, with Son #1 needing emergency surgery less than 24 hours after his birth, so perhaps I might have a clue. In any case, we decided on a 2nd and had our 2 beautiful boys 21 months apart. Son #2 has had no problems thus far, and now at 3 and 18 months, they are pals and really look out for each other. We are so happy, but we're quite done now!
Posted by: Analog Mouse at October 29, 2003 10:05 PM
