Even crummier

At this moment, we three in our little family are supposed to be arriving at our lovely hotel with a pool in Pittsburgh, ready for a night of relaxation before Evan's big evaluation tomorrow.

Not happening.

We had ice and freezing rain all night and into this morning, as did Pittsburgh, and it has now changed over to a lovely heavy snow. We debated and discussed, and in the end decided to be cautious and stay home. We cancelled our hotel reservations and rescheduled Evan's eval for the end of March.

I'm pretty upset about the whole thing. I'm just so worried that we're wasting time. We have less than a year left with Early Intervention, and I feel like things aren't progressing fast enough. I know that Evan is doing well and making steps in the right direction, and I know that he will start doing things when he is ready, just like he always has. But still I feel like we should be doing more and trying harder.

I guess the word I'm looking for is powerless. I feel powerless to help him get through this, just like I felt when he was a tiny baby being poked and prodded in the NICU. It's a tough way to feel, because as a mother I want to shield him from all the bad stuff, I want to make everything okay, I want to make sure he has a bright future. I know we're doing our best but sometimes I fear that our best might not be good enough.

Okay, enough of that. Tomorrow I promise to return with a more positive outlook.